The Reason
by Vytina
Summary: Maybe I'm here to fight for you, because no one has ever fought for you before. Songfic to "The Reason". Can be taken as KaibaxAlister


**A/N: I've been harboring this idea in my head for years...so finally, I just decided to sit down and write it. It didn't turn out half-bad, in my humbled opinion.**

**This follows Kaiba's thoughts about Alister (Amelda in the Japanese) throughout episodes 166/167 to episode 178 of Season 4. **

**Title: The Reason**

**Characters/Pairing: Seto Kaiba, Alister (Amelda)**

**Rating: K+**

**Summary: Maybe I'm here to fight for you, because no one else before.**

**Disclaimer: I do not know Yu-Gi-Oh! or any affiliated characters. The lyrics I used are "The Reason" by Hoobastank.**

* * *

I could feel their eyes on me. I can still feel their eyes. They don't dare say a word; to their credit, they know better than to ask questions. No…they sit in silence and create their own theories within the secrecy of their minds.

Only this time, their thoughts are not so secret.

I know what they're thinking. It is child's play to read their thoughts, to know the assumptions they make this time. I don't normally care what they think of me. I didn't get where I am today by looking over my shoulder, constantly wondering, worrying, making myself sick with what others may say about me, what they may think of me.

I know my actions are indifferent to the emotions of others. After all, growing up in _his_ house, emotions were not allowed. They were forbidden, like some sort of unseen plague that would threaten his control over my mind, my actions and my thoughts. It was smart of him, of course. He knew what would happen if he allowed me to feel emotion. I might actually grow a conscience.

There is _no_ place for that in my world.

_I'm not a perfect person_

People will always be angry. They will make threats just as easily as they will be silenced. I have never used _his_ methods of silencing troublemakers, but such action will be taken all the same. And I have grown not to care. Maybe at one time, I did care. Maybe at one time, I watched an individual walk out of my office—slumped, shattered and dejected—and I felt guilty, perhaps even entertained the idea of calling after them, offering some compensation. If there ever were such moments in my life, I have yet to remember them. Crushing people and pushing them out of the way is part of the job. It's just all in a day's work. And I have grown to not care. I see people cry and beg all the time, and I blink it all away.

_There's many things I wish I didn't do_

Emotion is a trivial matter. Who has any time for it? If you allow yourself to feel emotion, you second-guess yourself. You consider your actions differently, you look at people differently. You run the risk of letting people _in_.

_But I continue learning_

Mokuba is the only person that I have allowed in. He is the only person I have ever needed. After all, I fought tooth and nail to keep us together. The last thing I would do is push him away.

But he is the only one. What happens when you let other people in? They take what pieces of you they want; they will enjoy themselves for a little while…

And then they leave.

They always leave.

_I never meant to do those things to you_

I can still feel their eyes on me. Are they actually waiting for me to say something? Do they think I have to justify my actions? Do they believe they are entitled to an explanation?

If they believe that, they're even more pathetic than I thought. They don't deserve an explanation. Not that it has stopped them from asking inane questions. Asking me to confirm the obvious; asking me what really happened in the sky, thousands of feet above solid ground.

_And so I have to say before I go_

They don't need to know. Besides, they wouldn't understand even if I told them the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help me God.

_That I just want you to know_

Down here, on the ground, everyone believes things are so easy…so simple to comprehend. I once believed that was true. This was black, this was white…simple logic—irrefutable and solid and complete.

_I've found out a reason for me_

Odd, I suppose, how things can change at that height.

_To change who I used to be_

Odd, how things changed because of you.

_A reason to start over new_

Do you know why I remain silent? Why I ignore their questions, refuse to give an answer with all the indifference I can possibly muster? Do you know?

I suppose you probably do…wherever you are right now.

_and the reason is you_

They continue to stare at me. They want to know why I remain so silent. They want to know why I carried you in my arms, even carried you into the safety of steel walls and motors to lift us back in the air, away from ground again…back to where things make so little sense…and yet they've never been clearer.

_I'm sorry that I hurt you_

Their eyes are on me again.

Do they never tire of staring? Do they never grow weary of looking at my back and hoping for an answer they know they will never receive?

I can't help but wonder…did you feel the same? Did you ever ask _him_ when his promises would come true? Did you ever question, even for a moment, whether you were doing the right thing? Did you ever wonder if there was another way?

_It's something I must live with everyday_

I think I might know how you feel.

But that isn't entirely surprising, is it?

_And all the pain I put you through_

No, it isn't. It isn't surprising to me…and if you were here now…I might actually do everything within my power to make you understand why I am not surprised, why I am not confused anymore. You've made everything so clear to me now…so vividly transparent that I wonder if I am not blinded by the sheer truth of it all.

_I wish that I could take it all away_

I know _they_ believe I am blind. They believe I am indifferent—once again—to the injury I could cause the rest of their playmates. I am not blind; I can _see_ just fine. All of them, lined up in a neat little row in front of me, protecting the man who is responsible for it all.

No…no, he is not a man.

I look at him, and I see Gozaburo. The eyes that reveal the most atrocious and disgusting realities—cold, empty truths that make even _my_ blood run cold. The tall and rigid posture that commands respect and threatens to unleash great power, when inside it holds only a rotted corpse; a parasitic animal who has fed off the hopes and desperation of a young, malleable heart until it was cold and hardened. And above all…I see my stepfather in that smile. It is a smile that remains on his face while he reveals that it was _he_ who destroyed lives…destroyed you.

_And be the one who catches all your tears_

It's nothing like your smile.

_That's why I need you to hear_

Maybe that was what finally, _finally_ got through to me. I've heard of these moments—things called epiphanies and revelations, where you suddenly witness the bright, gleaming light of truth and suddenly your life is never the same after that.

The idea is laughable. But I know that moment was, and still is, unforgettable.

I did see a light—a green light that surrounded you in an impenetrable circle, like some kind of prison cell. I confess…I didn't feel anything at that moment. I didn't know what was supposed to happen next, and I didn't know—maybe I even didn't care—what I was supposed to do. All I knew was Mokuba was crying out for me to do something to help you.

_I've found out a reason for me_

Would you believe I wanted to do something? Would you believe I looked at you, collapsed on the steel floor, looking small and weak in that light, and I wanted to do something? Would you believe I stared at you…only to realize I was looking in a mirror?

_To change who I used to be_

Would you believe you are me, ten years ago? Would you believe you, in that moment, are who _I_ should have been?

_A reason to start over new_

I watched you lift your head. You handed Mokuba that toy…that tiny thing you hold on to like it's your lifeline—and it probably is. And you smiled. I guess…that was the moment I realized I was seeing the first genuine smile I'd bothered to really look at in years.

Would you believe I almost called out your name? Would you believe I wanted to see your eyes one last time before you had to go?

No…no, I don't suppose you would believe it.

_and the reason is you_

They're _still_ staring at me. Won't they ever stop staring? I am growing to hate their eyes…the constant, unending, _blatant staring_.

But I suppose it doesn't matter. I might be ignorant of what is right in front of me, but that is simply because they don't matter.

No…they don't matter, not right now.

Can you see me right now? Can you see my eyes? Can you see that I am frightened, for the first time in years?

_and the reason is you_

I can see your eyes. I can see how frightened you are, frozen in place on a small block of stone, mounted on the wall like a trophy. And I can't help but wonder…are you still afraid, in this very moment? Or are you beyond terror and fear right now? Do you have bigger things to worry about right now?

I suppose you do.

My eyes are on you, and right now…in this moment…I can honestly say they are only for you.

_and the reason is you_

You look so terrified. I believe it is the second purest emotion you have ever given me. The first was your anger. Such powerful, true, _pure_ emotion…I wonder what it's like to feel those things. Is it pleasant? Or do you just consider it a burden to be able to _feel_?

I hope, truly, you don't consider it a burden. The truth is…I may still have my sanity—something I honestly believe you were forced to give up. But you have your humanity. You _must_ still possess humanity. It's the only way I can understand your ability to feel such strong emotion. And that's something I had to give up a long, _long_ time ago to properly run my corporation.

This world took our innocence, our sense of security, our faith in humanity.

_and the reason is you_

Two men took the best of us away—one took your sanity; the other took my humanity.

_I'm not a perfect person_

The years made us forget what it was like to have either one.

_I never meant to do those things to you_

I guess we do have a few things in common. The only difference is…my brother is still by my side. And yours is not.

_And so I have to say before I go_

I'd like to tell you all this, one day, if you would let me.

_That I just want you to know_

I can see your eyes, etched in that stone. I can feel _their_ eyes on my back, but it's _your_ eyes that seem to truly stare into mine. Are you begging me to help you? Are you screaming, and I just can't hear you?

_I've found out a reason for me  
To change who I used to be_

I came here for my company. I walked in those doors, ready to battle this lunatic and get my company back. I would have fought to win my company back into my hands.

_A reason to start over new  
and the reason is you_

But once again…things just aren't going according to plan. Not now that I have your eyes locked in my head…and I don't think I can get them out.

_I've found a reason to show_

Maybe I am here to fight for something more.

_A side of me you didn't know_

Maybe I am here to fight for you, just because no one else has ever fought for you. You were always protecting your brother and yourself in that hell you had to call home. Maybe it's time for someone to protect _you_.

Just tell me this:

If I do win, will I see your eyes again?

_A reason for all that I do_

I think I wouldn't mind having you look at me. And I think I wouldn't mind if you did it as often as you want.

_And the reason is you_

And I think…I wouldn't mind if you stayed a little while.


End file.
